before i start ranting, just to say a few words.
okay to anyone whos reading it, which i doubt any one of you will.. but to my dearest siblings, if you happen to read my blog, just to tell you what i write here is personal. you dont have to tell mum or confront me on anything. im sick and tired you reading my messages being it on msn, handphones or whatever source you can read. its my personal life, so please respect it. thankyou.

its july already. 26 days remain till Ramadan 1432H. and yes im so excited for it! okay maybe one of the reason why i love fasting month is that i can start losing weight. pipi ku sudah tembam. haha. but first and foremost, during fasting month, there will be solat terawih at the mosque. it feels great to be able to pray with the rest of the people during this blessed month. i always get this calm and serene feeling each time i did my solat terawih. feeling die mcm awesome gitu. hahaha. sometimes we are just so busy with work, school and other stuff that we sometimes neglect our part to pray and and think of Allah. bila dalam kesusahan ataupun kesedihan baru ingat Allah. kalau hidup senang, tiada masalah, lupa Allah. Astargfirullah halazim. may Allah forgive us.

i went to al-khair mosque just now alone. just need sometime alone with God and myself. i want to be closer to Allah. i admit i've sinned, i did things that i shouldnt be doing and etc. we will never know when or where that He will take our lives from this temporary world. tk semestinya orang tua je yang boleh meninggal dunia, dalam usia muda pn Allah boleh tarik nyawa kita. cuma kita tak tahu je. so its never too early to turn over a new leaf. jangan nanti, rambut dah gugur, gigi dah bogel, badan dan terbongkok2 baru nak taubat. Allah Maha Pengasih dan Maha Pengampun. so kepada orang yang nak minum, nak mabok, nak gi clubbing tu sumua, may God open up your heart to repent. sometimes the more we tegur-ed or advice these kind of people they will simply say enjoy life while you still can. bak pepatah masuk telinga kanan, keluar telinga kiri. we can nasihat them until their ears bleed but kalau dorang tknk berubah, theres nothing we can do but to pray for their well-being.

i reda with qada' and qadar Allah. whats best for Him, is best for me because Allah knows best. i constantly remind myself that whatever happens, its a blessing from God. as much it hurts a hell out of me to let you go, i have to. we give us the 2nd chance but it didnt work out. and this time it hurts twice as much. and seeing your picture with another girl, doubled tripled the pain in this fragile heart. the hurt was unbearable and i feel like killing myself. i thought i was over you but obviously im not. recently, memories of me and you have been playing in my mind. it kills me to think back what i once have becomes something i had. your birthday was a few days ago and i cant bring myself just to wish you or leave you a message. because i remembered that on one of your birthday how i managed to make birthday surprise for you, one of the sweetest memories. although it happened so long ago, i can still clearly remember how it happened. so sedih la i cant do anything special for you this year. its different now. haissshhh.. memories really do eats up a whole lot of your brain space. i just have to live through it.



i dont know if i can smile like that again. only time will tell.. :(
kan dah emo malam2 gini. somebody knock me in the head please. tak baik mengeluh dayah.. i've just got to be strong to face all this. there's no more us anymore. i have my life to live and i dont want to be trapped in the past. there's no signs of you coming back to me and even if you're coming back, i dont know how am i gonna handle it. its like i want you back so so much but at the same time i know that the situation wont let us be together. and at this point of time, i suddenly breakdown and cried my hearts out. stupid kan. but emotions is something you cant control. as much as you want to hold back the tears, you simply cant. ehh sedih pe.. haishhhh.. :'( kan dah sedih... haiyaaaa...sya has been there for me. you watched me cry, comfort me and have always been my listening ears. i really appreciate it. you know me best.and aini, thankyou for your advices. you can be my personal counsellor already. it may sometimes sounds harsh, i know your intention is to help me think whats best for me. im blessed to have you girls in my life. alhamdulillah.

c'mon dayah. have faith in God. no more crying and start smiling. he's happier with his life right now(are you?), and i should too. dah macho pe skrg, confirm bnyk chicks nak nye. hahaha.. regardless how many guys asked me out or asked my number, it couldnt compare to how you manage to make me feel for you. sometimes i dont know what spell you put me into, but one thing im certain, i love you alot alot. hanya Allah saje yang tahu. but now, things change and i have to let go. it hurts just to think about it. but what to do, its already written in God's hand. tawakal and redha.

you know what. i feel like taking religious class again. start learning more about my religion. i dont want to be just known as an Islamic person because i was born to be in Islam. i want to be known as seorang wanita yang mempunyai iman dan akhlak yang baik, seorang muslimah yang patuh dengan ajaran Islam dan menghindari larangan-Nya. insyaallah boleh. niat mesti ade. i believed that in order to change, we have to put some effort. jangan cakap je, tapi tak buat ape2. i thought of taking religious class after i graduate from poly. we'll see how it goes. i wanna be a better person in the future. enough of the rebellious side of me. time to make a change. it may be hard, but once you put your mind to it, insyaallah with Allah's help, i can.

one example of a successful progress, i managed to wear a hijab and not to remove it wherever i go. of course i get a few comments that i will look better without it and such. and some are demoralising comments but i stay strong and ignored them. for now, it feels weird to take it off. regardless how warm the weather is, the hijab will always be put on. and a plus point is that i managed to survive staying in india for 1 month wearing hijab and the weather over there is much more warmer. alhamdulillah. :) okay there is something to smile about. hahah.

note to self:
keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much thing to smile about. :)

okay enough of typing already. too much things in one post. inilah akibatnya kalau dah lame tk blog. boleh buat essay sepanjang2nya.. haha
good night world.