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ahhhhhh chubby cheeks! yikes need to lose weight!!

this photo was taken when i helped out with kak ema's engagement. see that small little cute boy. his name is Abbas. he may be small but very ganas. he's super adorable but i really cant imagine having a small little brother who likes to shout and run around always. penat layankan die je. org nk buat keje pun tk senang. Abbas's has a sad story life. he lives with his grandparents because he is not close with his parents. so his grandparents are the ones who brought him up ever since young until now. the grandpa once told me about Abbas and his family. poor little thing. it must have been tough for him. nevertheless, i know Abbas a strong boy. just look at his smile. a smile that hides all the pain that he felt. he's in primary 1 or 2 now. cant really recall.

an incident happened so unexpectedly during kak ema's engagement. one of sya's relative look exactly like him, my ex. i was speechless, really dont know what to do. the first time i saw him i was like 'why in the world is he here???' and then i get to know he is sya's relative from malaysia. what a coincidence. my ex lives at malaysia too. muke macam photocopy. really really didnt see this coming. bagussssss.. when i thought i can keep myself occupied by helping out at kak ema's engagement so that my mind wont wander off thinking about him but then a photocopied-look-alike him was there wherever i go. sooo disturbung i tell you. even sya agreed that he look similar to him. so there goes my mood. moody all the way. maybe god is trying to test me or something. so i told myself he is not him, so dont get distracted.

and by the way kak ema look gorgeously stunning in her indian blue suit. very pretty. agak2 bile eh my turn? hahaha.. ni tk gatal, cuma curious je. tapi kalau boleh eh tknk tunang2 uh, nak kahwin terus. hahah! :)

anyway i noticed sya's relative jadi imam and his dad is praying behind him at the living room. i listened to how he recited the al-fatihah and surah.. sooo comfortingg. it calms my heart when i listened to it. selalunya ayah jadi imam, tapi ni anak yang jadi imam. wonderful isnt it? the dad has taught him well.

this unexpected incident made me realised something. he may be the one i loved, the one i wanted to be with, the one whom i share alot of memories with, but he just doesnt have one important quality that i want in my man. he doesnt have good islamic foundation. i want my man to be the one who bimbing me to be a better person/muslimah, yang boleh ajar serba sedikit on religious stuff. i want my man to be the one that says, "okay time solat, lets singgah masjid first before proceeding to the next destination". easily said, i want my man to be like brothers. my brothers may be annoying and irritating at times but they will never miss their prayers wherever they go unlike me who kadang2 skip solat bile jalan2 klua and then end up qada' kat rumah. hahah. if he willing to change to be that man, maybe im gonna give another shot, but i really doubt he will for now. may Allah open up his heart. amin.

you know what somehow i feel that im moving on already. i just need to be certain again that the feelings has really gone. i need to at least talk to him and see what reactions will i give. kalau excited, belum la tu. kalau tk rase ape2, i've accomplished my mission to move on after soo long.. but one thing about him is that he can just make me fall back in love with him over and over again. he just got the charm uh. maybe thats why.. hahah. and that is the main reason why im refraining myself to even talk to him being it in facebook or messaging. if he want to say something to me, he will have been starting the conversation long time ago, but he didnt. so just let it be. i guess its better that way.

and hey i may be saying i want this kind of man that kind of man, but you cant control your emotions. when you fall, you just fall for someone without any specific reason. and that sucks. big time.