i miss you.
my surroundings somehow reminds me of you.
i've been telling myself to stop thinking about you but just one thought of you leads me to the memories we had for the past few months. in a matter of fact we are soooo long over already. hais. this is bad. really. its just so sooo sooooo complicated.

i just got to be strong. i know you've moved on(are you?) and i should probably too. life and school has been tough. i wished i can tell you everything about what i've been going through, but then i realised i cant. somehow i wish i could tell my friends that im still not over you, but if i do, they will judge me. telling me that im weak, telling me im stupid enough to still keep thinking about the person who has made me cry, hurt. and more hurtful, calling me a door mat. it doesnt make me feel better after being so upset but anyways thankyou for the honest comment. you know sometimes criticizing a person is good in a way that its telling us the whole truth that we do not want to hear. but somehow we just need someone to tell us its gonna be okay, i'll make this through and such. just words of encouragement to help me get up on my feet and stay positive. and yes, i can take the critics. what the point of going against it when it will just lead to an argument. im always the one who gives in but its okay. its better that way than fighting and ending up not talking the next moment. true?

im imperfect and i'm happy the way i am. i just have to suck it up and not go against it. but what can you expect, love has no boundaries. when you love someone, you love them for what they are wholeheartedly, regardless all the fights, heartaches. sighhh~ oh well. life is too short to keep hatred. forgive the one that hurt you and treasure the ones that loves you.

dear god, help me to overcome all these. i had enough. life still goes on and i dont want to be trapped on my past. i want to open my heart again for someone who deserves it but the past has closed it too tight that sometimes its suffocating.

i treasure my friendship/relationship with my closed ones. eg family and friends. tkde matair tkpe. its your family and friends are the people that matters the most. i dont want a silly or useless fights to get in a way. whether im wrong/right, if the only way to solve the matter is to apologise, i'll do it. its not that im weak that i easily admit defeat. it just that i value my relationship more than my ego. and this word ego, can either break or make us. it makes us stronger individually and some times break us in a way, we always think that your opinions/perceptions is always right without listening to what other people have to say and hence, breaking us into someone who is so self-centred. i do have friends in poly who fights and ended up not talking. they were once really really good friend when we were in india. and i dont know what happen to them and the next thing i know, they're not talking anymore.

sedihh kan? its saddening you know to see this kind of things happenning. especially between my 2 girls. :( the girls whom i really close to aint talking anymore. they have nothing to say to each other. avoided each other. ignored each other. what leads to the fight happened so long agoo. why cant they just forget about it and be friends once more? is it so hard to let go of the hurtful past and be nice to each other once again? is it that easy to forget someone who has been friends with you for such a long time? why keep on keeping the hatred? and one sad thing is that i cant do anything about it. no point talking to them to help them mend things up because they will simply say the other one is in the wrong and expect the other one to apologise. kalau macam gini, bile mau game seyyyyy.. sedihh.. i can just sit and watch them go away separately in each passing day. as much i want them to get them together, be friends again once more, if they were reluctant to do so, there's nothing more i can do. sedihhh.. :( so i stop trying and let them be. i is sad.

but whatever it is im gonna lead life as per normal. boy-girl relationships aint important. family anf friends are the people that matters and not forgetting ,what is important is to keep a good relationship with Allah. i believed that one fine day, Allah have a perfect match for me is just that he is just lost and still finding his way to get to me.. (cheyyyy bbual mcm paham. hahaha)

yes i admit im jealous to see happy couples out there. even though when my brothers talks so lovey dovey on the phone with their love of their life which makes me want to puke (hahaha okay no offence) but im happy for them. at least they're happy to have each other. just waiting for my turn and i'll let god determine when will that be. just go with the flow. to me, insyallah the next relationship i want to get into, i want it to last until marriage. tk kisah la ape org nk kate yang umur maseh muda nk fikir pasal kahwin.. for your information, i have no time for puppy love. i have no time to have another break-up and again to recuperate which i dont how long that will take. as long as the person is able to win my heart, has a sense of humour and most importantly have good religious backgrounds. thats all matters. on height, i do mind actually if they were shorter than me but i've been getting/attracted to short guys. hahaha.. funny right.. am i that tall for a 19 year old? or is it malay guys nowadays are just so short.. hahaha. i think shoe designers should make heels for them so that they can appear taller. okay im bad. haha. kite merancang tapi Allah menentukan.. so no rush. when the time is right, i'll find my Mr Right. insyaallah.

time check 2:50am.
enough of ranting for today.
good mornight! :)