i went to sya's crib just now. since our class ended early, we decided to meet. its good to meet her after so long. since the special date for you and boyfriend is tomorrow i shall wish you happy first monthsary in advance. last long ye. insyallah.(: i've got sunburnt due to netball session in the morning. it was scorching hot in the morning. and now im tanned. pfft!

supposingly, i should meet sya at her school. sadly, her lesson at 4 was cancelled. i was looking forward to meeting him though. i know lah that school is such a big place. cant be such a coincidence that i'll get to see him or bumped into him. its been like ages since we last met. dont you think so?

you can stop reading now because starting from here, it will gets draggy. hahaha XD

you know what, i feel like meeting you. like hang out just like how friends normally do. we're friends right? i miss your crap and company. i know you wont be reading this but im fine with it. even if you do, its up to you what you going to do about it. i will not make the first move. not hoping for us to get back together but even if i am, it still takes 2 hands to clap.

what i remembered, you broke up with me maybe because of my 2nd brother who has been such a busybody who interferes alot until you get very irritated. im so sorry about that on my brother's behalf. or is it am i too demanding as i wanted you be a better person. or maybe for some other reason which i dont know about. you didnt talk things out with me. you just texted me that night and say we should go on our separate ways. the end, fullstop. i still do remember those lines. ..no words cant explain how heartbreaking that was. i accepted you as you are regardless of your past and backgrounds. what more do you want? but now since my 2nd brother aint what he used to be, those nosey2 menyebok2 type, do you think you will give US a second chance? i feel soo dumb to be typing this as it feels that i am hoping for someone who will never come back to me. waiting for you to be back with me feels like waiting for rain in this drought, hopeless and disappointing. nevertheless, i cant deny my feelings and admit i do still have feelings for you. i dont want to lie to myself. cant keep this little secret of mine any longer. i really have to say this out to clear out what i had inside my heart.

to me, you're my first love who manage to change my way of thinking about relationship. you know my past story. how was it like, what i suffered during my last relationship with you-know-who. and fyi, i do still keep your emails. though. (:

and it seems that first love is very hard to forget even if i tried. being with somebody else doesnt mean i forget you entirely. like what people say, memories will still remain even if you're no longer with that person. its just that when you feel that somebody else can make you happy, so why procrastinate and just give that person a chance. when all the happy things comes, i will slowly tend to forget about you. love is building up inside me for somebody else not you. like any other relationship, there's ups and downs between me and him and for some reasons things didnt work out. its hard to let it go. really its hard, trust me. its never easy to let go of someobody who has once has a special place in your heart. another heartbreaking moment. after awhile, i dont know why this stubborn heart of mine goes back to you automatically. its really strange and weird. i myself cant find the reason why..

i wont expect too much from you. dont want to get disappointed in the end. only God knows what im feeling right now. after each prayers i will always pray that if we are meant to be, bring us back together. if not, give me the strength to move on and strengthen my heart to let the past go. God always want the best for His people. so tawakal and redha.

dear god, give me the strength to go through all this. it has always been you. no one else. i thought i’ve already moved on but my mind, heart and soul still voices out your name. sometimes i wonder what so special about you. its like there this invisible magnetic attraction that is pulling me back to you no matter how far i go. you look so calm and cool like you have always been. the hilarious you. we talked, crapped and just simply be ourselves. you seemed as if you are doing great without me. but if you want to know deep down inside this small little heart of mine, it still got your name written all over it, yearning for you to say those 3 words again. you onlined, my heart blooms. you sang, my heart melt. you smiled, my heart smiled too. but i guess.. things are just not meant to be between us.